“To know and to be fully known is all that the heart truly desires” -unknown
This particular post has taken me awhile to write. I have been thinking about this particular topic for the past few weeks, hence, why I backed off posting. I didn’t want to come at it from the wrong perspective and I know that a lot of my posts up to this point have been more on the uplifting and edifying side to them. However, this particular subject is a little more raw and always comes at a bit of a cost to who I am. In every marriage you have two people, two separate lives, two separate pasts, two separate families joining to become one family, one household, and essentially as the Bible talks about… One person. At the crux of this phenonmenon we have this thing called Intimacy.
I know that even as some of you read this word, you have already thought about exiting the page. That when it comes to the life of the newlywed, we still want all the feel good blogs. We want to somewhat ignore the hard issues and just let things work themselves out. Trust me, i’m writing it, because I’m there. I would even venture to say that many of you reading single or not, have once had an issue with this one. With the idea of becoming intimate with another person. With that being said, I will not come at this subject with an “I know all the answers” mentality, because the reality is I know very little about the rhymes or the reasons as to why we hold back. So my approach will be from the perspective of what I have learned and what I am learning. It’s a rather simple concept on the surface, but the depth of this truth, I believe, can truly change the course of a marriage if applied.
Intimacy is a gift.
The truth is as simple as that. Intimacy and what it was originally designed and created to do, was simply to be seen as the purest gift you can find. Our world and our society has lost sight of the true meaning of being intimate with someone. The heart behind and the beauty of knowing and being completely known.
In order for me to go further, I must let you all in on a secret “Intimacy is hard for me”. The idea of being completely known by a person absolutely terrifies me. I didn’t know that it did, until I was married. One of my mentors once said to me “being married is like having a magnifying glass on your life, you are still dealing with the same issues, but they are amplified.” I never knew my struggle with intimacy was as real as it was, until I said “I do”. I have sat in many different counseling sessions over the past year and a half, and never did I expect that I would have an issue with being so close with another person. I always longed to be that close. Which i believe that if e are all honest, we all do. I wanted to really know the person I was in a relationship with, however, living a life where my heart was protected, seemed easier. You see my struggle with intimacy came from a fear of being abandoned. Intimacy with God was easy for me, because I knew that God would never leave me, however, put that same level of intimacy with a human being. A man who has the power to walk away at any given moment. A man who can not guarantee me he will be with me all the days of my life….. all he could guarantee me was all the days of his life, and that might only be until tomorrow. So life to me was easier protected.
However, if there is one thing that I have learned in the last few weeks of my marriage is that intimacy with your spouse is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give to them. It’s a complete surrender to whom God created man and wife to be. One. In that there is no separation. I have found since Darby and I made a commitment to continuously discover something new about the other, everyday… I have learned that intimacy with him… is protected by intimacy with the I AM. That as long as there was a deep intimacy with my God, there would always be protection and provision for intimacy with my husband. In that, we are learning that we aren’t fighting against each other, we are fighting with each other. We are growing together, loving together, hoping together, and believing together. You see, God’s will for married couples, starts out simple. Intimacy with God and Intimacy with each other…when those two things are happening… God blesses and reveals healing. He brings freedom to be who you are, His perfect love, is exemplified through the other person, and in that, it casts out all fears and doubts. Further, allowing trust to overflow from your heart.
My challenge to you… Married Couples, be intimate with one another. Allow Your relationship with God, overflow into your relationship with your spouse. Honor them, love them, believe in them. Share your fears with them, share your wins with them, share your dreams with them. Pray together. Serve together. Work together.. Allow God to protect what He brought together.
My challenge to the single individual…. be intimate with God, first. You won’t regret it. I learned personally to trust Darby, because I knew my God. You can not fully be intimate with another individual, without being fully intimate with your God first. Let Him be your love and your hearts devotion. Put in first in all things. Honor Him, Love Him, Believe in the things He is doing. Share your fears with HIM. Share your wins with HIM. Share your Dreams with HIM. Pray to him. Serve Him. He hasn’t forgotten You. He hasn’t lost sight of you. believe me he had been dying for your attention.
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