So Your Spouse Started a Business….

Let me just start by saying this. I FEEL YOU! I remember the day that Darby came home from his steady 40,000 year job with a 1 month’s severance check and promised in the next month we would make up the gap in our budget. But he had to pursue his dreams of having his own business. Oh and on top of that.. I was 6 months pregnant with our first little.. Talk about turning my life upside down!

Now I will preface this will not be a hater post. I have journeyed the last 4 years through waves of different emotions, but can confidently say that I so love everything that our life has to offer. I wanted to write this post in a more practical way than my other posts. Because let’s be real, when you feel overwhelmed by this idea.. you want the step by step process on how to come out on the other side.

There are two different types of Small Business Owning Wives.

Your Husband has started a small business and you are working alongside him on the back end of every project and taking care of the house and kiddos as well.

You have launched a small business yourself and you are working alongside your husband. Your husband is more in the behind the scenes role and you are more in the vision casting role.

Both Small Business Owning Wives are valuable and important. Both of them have such different roles to play. Darby and I have 2 different businesses that we run alongside each other, however, they are two very different businesses. We both flip flop roles, honestly, on a daily basis when it comes to how we get things done and pushing our businesses forward.

So I am going to come at this post from the front of you are the behind the scenes spouse. What happens when your spouse starts a small business? They came home and sat you down, and presented you with the idea of the new endeavor… What do you do now?

Communicate.

If there is one single piece of advice that I could I give to new business owning families.. it is this. Communicate. Communicate when it’s hard, when it’s easy. All of your fears and your emotions have to be put on the table. Starting a business has it’s own set of emotions and believe me there is a lot of them.

I have a love hate relationship with the emotional side of starting a Small Business. I believe for Darby and I. It challenged us to the core of who we are in every way possible. Darby, is always forward thinking and innovative. He has very little time to think about how something could fail and has to be moving pieces in a forward direction. I, on the other hand, am very much an analytical person. To a fault. I would say I am more a calculated risk taker. So whenever Darby has a new idea that he is bringing to the table, my natural reaction is to analyze al the outcomes.

This is where communication has been huge for us. Communication has saved us from a lot of fights and a lot of hurt. However, having hard conversations does hurt. There isn’t any way of getting around that. I think the single, most important part of doing this journey with your spouse is this idea that each person feels seen and heard. That they feel a validation that there emotions aren’t crazy. The dreamer wants someone to believe with them and the analytical wants to know how we are getting there.

Be willing to “go there” after all, when you married your spouse, you knew you could trust them. You knew they promised to always have your best interests in mind. Hurting you is not their intention. SO be honest.

Support.

The next step of the process in taking on a new business is understanding, at some level your spouse is one of your biggest assets. There has to be mutual support in this relationship for this to work. Also, Support looks different for each person and each couple.

For Darby and I, our needs are different. Darby needs someone to spread their wings with him. He literally needs to to hear “ Babe, I think that is a great idea…” before he hears me ask 15 thousand questions on how he is going to execute that idea. He has to hear in my voice that there is potential and that i see it alongside him. I, on the other hand, need to know the process. Darby has learned over the years to at least have a skeleton of a plan before really bringing big ideas and endeavors to the table. He understands that I need space to process through his idea. But he also knows, that at the end of the day I am on his team.

Once we commit to an endeavor as a team and a couple then real support truly comes in. When you are running service based businesses with your spouse there are many different hats and bases to cover. There is marketing, administrative side, bookkeeping, as well as, having time to work on your business without kids grabbing at your ankles. This I believe is biggest thing that we have encountered. Is making time for each other, time for our kids, and time for our business.

Support means sitting down with schedules, sitting down with budgets, sitting down with effective ways to bring in cash flow for the babysitter. Support is building an office in your basement to your spouses’s dreams so she has a getaway to work on things, even in 10 minute intervals. It’s offering finances to support things that you are still wrapping your head around. Support is offering all you have to bring to the table, even when it doesn’t make sense. If you can find it in your heart to supporting your husband more and more each day… I promise you, they will rise to the occasion.

Commitment.

Finally, I think this is the toughest but most promising point. Remember your wedding day, remember the vows you spoke to one another. The heartbeat of commitment you had on that day to follow and build a life alongside them. Remember that, each moment and each day. You married your best friend. You married someone you trusted your whole life to, your wellbeing, and you trusted that They always have your best interest in mind. I think this is the single most life changing lesson I have learned. On my wedding day, I knew that I married an entrepreneur. I knew that my life would be full of risk taking, literally kicking every fear I had in the face, I knew it would be embracing a life I didn’t always understand… But I committed to that life. I committed to fighting for that life alongside darby. I trusted that Darby has my best interest in mind. For richer and for poorer… He would be there by my side, and I vowed it right back. Business Owning with your spouse and alongside them, is Commitment. It is resting on that commitment even when the bank account doesn’t make sense. It’s breathing life into their dreams when you are unsure of yours in the process. Knowing that they are committed to your heart and your dreams coming alive all the same.

Like I said, I don’t have a book of step by steps and how to’s, maybe one day I’ll write one, but I do have lessons that we have embraced along the way. I can say from the bottom of my heart… I know you and your spouse have what it takes… and you are better embracing them together.

I know you are terrified. I know nothing seems sturdy right now, but I promise you… It’s going to work out. it’s going to flourish. You have what it takes.