I want the Village, Not the Island

Every once in awhile Darby and I get asked the infamous question “How do you do it all?” and I always laugh because my response normally is “Ha, most days, I don’t even have a clue”

It’s funny with business owning you always think there is more time in the day then there is, that a project will take half the time that it does, and in a perfect world your kids will LOVE going to the babysitter’s house and will never get sick. Oh, and Laundry folds itself, and dishes don’t exist.

Man… can we just sit with that idea in our head for a minute… think about it… 1…. 2….3….

I talked in a instagram post this past week about my struggle with perfection. My struggle to always find this balance of being and doing “good enough” and embracing imperfections. It has been a journey that has truly taken up much of my adult life, striving and trying to be the perfect mom and the perfect wife… lately, running the perfect small businesses alongside it. I can honestly, sit in my office building some of the best and perfect systems without actually doing anything.. and on a very real level, This blog has taken me a year and a half to to relaunch. Because all the cards really didn’t line up with what I had envision.

I’m sure some of you know exactly what I am talking about. We sit with the expectations of what life should be that we forget to live. We forget to embrace what is reality and authentic and create our perfect little world on this island that is a mirage more than a reality.

Do you see where I’m going…

The problem with our island is that not only is it not realistic, but it creates insane stress trying to make real. Think about this idea.. you are trying to make a mirage… a real thing. You are trying to live a life and dream of a life that isn’t even true or can be real.

Here’s what I mean.. Darby and I have been business owners for the past 5 years. I had this idea of what that meant.. we do what we want, when we want. I envisioned a life of owning the business, not maintaining and managing those businesses. I envisioned Darby being home at 5:00 every night and all weekends off, because he could. Having money to have the life we wanted. I created this mirage of what I thought we should have… I camped out on my fake little island… and then didn’t let people into where my island was even located…

Causing strife, bitterness, hurt, frustration, a ridiculous amount of rough spending habits because I was mad… I Wanted my island so bad… I would do anything for it.

Striving for a mirage only lasts so long. You can only row your boat so many times before you realize it’s not worth it to keep paddling.

I remember sitting at one of my best friend’s house, this past November, venting about my frustrations and all the heartache that has come over the past few years.. and I remember the release I felt because I finally gave up rowing… I gave up on chasing expectations and started to really look at what my life had to offer. Seriously, bless her soul as she sat with me in my anger… and my hurt… and praised the Man that I married and pointed my heart towards gratitude. In that moment.. I learned something so important that weekend.. I didn’t want the island.. I wanted a village. I wanted community. I wanted authentic living. I wanted real relationship. Real Goals becoming a reality. I wanted a village that I could see, touch and embrace.

I wanted to live life alongside people… ones that point me in the direction of gratitude when my heart wants expectations. I believe whole heartedly, It takes a village. Not just when it comes to raising your children, but is so true in business owning as well.

Small Business Owning wives… You need Community. You Need Authenticity. You Need Relationship. You need to be seen and heard. You need a village and you need to be a village. Live a life that embracing people, that points people towards gratitude and hope, when this world trips them up with bitterness. Help people build their lives in the village… and not an island. Fight for the village. Fight for the raw moments. Fight for breakdowns and fight alongside people who are looking for the same.

There is something that lights my soul on fire thinking about how our village has changed who we are as Husband and Wives, as parents, and as business owners. It has renewed our heart and brought healing to some of the broken parts of our marriage. It has allowed us to let people in on our journey and and to be a safe place for other families on this journey.

I Love the Village. I love embracing the mess that comes with the hard work of building this life. I love that when I don’t have this figured out. It’s okay. I love the freedom that comes from not having to impress.. Where imperfection is not a failure.. We celebrate the wins and journey through the losses. There is power in being known and embraced for all that you are..

Good enough…

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