How to Run a Business Without Getting Divorced! ~ Small Business Wife

I got a phone call from a friend last week out of left field and the conversation started slow and steady.  I could tell that her voice was cracking through the tears and she boldly asked me “Amanda, do you think I can still do this?  It’s too much.”  My heart broke because this wasn’t the first time that I had seen a couple so full of ambition and passion hit this bump in the road.  In fact, I remembered a day back in January of this past year that my own husband looked at me in the middle of all my panic and asked “Are you sure you even want to do this, business owning?”

I calmly reminded my friend that day, that it is worth it, even if you don’t see it.  Even if all you see are the bills that need to be paid and the hope for the money that’s promised comes through.  I knew that she was capable and I knew that she had the strength to get through what truly was, a bump in the road.

It’s funny to think back on the past year and a half and reflect on what Darby and I have learned.  We never claim to be experts in business owning, honestly I think that we have a lot to learn.  But I have found the power of our story is the journey that we have taken together, to get where we are.  We aren’t some magical miracle story, we were two imperfect people that truly wanted to get all that we could out of this side of eternity. we fought day in and day out, sometimes truly living on a prayer to make sure that all the mouths in our house were fed, and that all of our bills were paid.  Not to mention the car breaking down over Christmas, and moving into a new house all in the same two weeks. (Hence, my own panic attack come January)  However, through all the seasons of business owning I think there are a few honest tips that I can give to wives of Small Business Owners.  Advice that I believe truly will save your marriage and has saved ours.

Date Night is Non-Negotiable

I think one of the common misconceptions of small business owning is this view of time and

attention that you and your Spouse will have for each other.  I remember when I left my full time job to work from home I thought that magically Darby and I would get to spend all this time together, and everything would be perfect, logical, and thrilling.  On the contrary, it actually became more stressful for us, because the cutting back of a simple cup of coffee and a designated focused area for working.  Oh and the toddler constantly pulling at our legs, and the piles of laundry that were staring me down, Judging. lol   All that to say, about 6 months ago Darby and I made a decision, Date Nights were a must.  No matter how much it costed for a babysitter, it was crucial to our marriage.  Yes, We have Rules.  No talking of businesses, no figuring out plans for the marketing next week, and no rehashing old fights, oh and no social media during the date.  (Granted, on the last one we aren’t perfect) We have gotten pretty creative with what we do.  I do put in our budget every month $50.00 for the babysitter and $50.00 for the date.  Two times a month.  Because our marriage is worth more than $200.00 and to be honest.  If we aren’t okay as a couple, everything else falls apart.

Throw your expectations out the window.

I can’t even count the number of times that I have had this conversation with newlywed married wives, as well as, women who run companies with their spouses.  I think it is safe to say that Expectations are your worst enemy.  Here is why.  I have discovered that when I have expectations on how a week should go, how many clients we should sell, how much money that we should have coming in.. In some way, shape or form, I get disappointed.  I believe in planning and preparing, but I have learned that you need to have plans B,C,D, and E in place in case nothing goes as planned.

Ever heard of the expression: Stress is the gap between an Expectation and Reality of the Situation?

Here’s the reality of our world, just to be canid with you for a moment.  With Running two service based businesses, we are dealing with people.  With dealing with people, Intentions are great…. but you can not expect revenue, until the check is signed and money is in the bank.  So in our world:

Our Stress is the gap between an Expectation and the Reality of our Situation…  We             eliminate the Expectation…

Leaving only the Reality of our Situation.

When you work with just the reality, and not the expectation you get a logical perspective of where you are at. BELIEVE ME… your bank account, your sanity, and your spouse will thank you.  Because there isn’t a need to nag about where money is coming from.. when you work from where money is currently at. There isn’t a need to stress about how you are going to pay bills when you take each bill at a time and only pay when the money is there.   Is it risky, YES, but I will take my sanity and my marriage over a payment on a bill any day.

Make a Plan and Work the Plan.

Remember how I mentioned this magical place in our head where we believe that time is limitless and all we have on our plate in the morning is Getting Up.  Also, Remember how I mentioned that idea of eliminating Expectation and just living in the moment…. There is these nice little words, that does have to come into play… Goals and Priorities.

In a perfect world of business owning there would be an endless supply of money and little demand of our time on anything else but our businesses.  However, you are talking to a mother and father to a little guy, a baby on the way.  With a house to pay for, a car payment, and big dreams to travel the world one day.

Dave Ramsey once said “Live like No One Else, so that one day you can Live Like No One Else”.  Meaning this.  In seasons where the work is limited and the cash flow is small…

Eliminate Wants. Work for you Needs to Be Met. and SAVE YOUR DOLLAR BILLS.

Because I promise you when the work is plentiful and the cash is raining down, you will find that your wants… are expensive and that hard earned money would be better put somewhere else.  Like a missionary trip to Africa. Or Even paying for a brand new car CASH instead of worrying about a Car payment for 3 years.

I’ll end this post with how we practically set up our weeks, months, and years. Two tools that will save your Marriage.

BUDGET

DAY PLANNER.

Each Week we sit down with our schedules and our Budget.  We set our our schedule based on our priorities (fancy word for needs). Then we set Goals for where we want to go by the end of the month. We budget for our Needs.. and Schedule those needs out. Then we work the plan.  The only way anything on our Budget and our Schedule Changes, is if both Darby and I agree to change the schedule or the budget.

Goals Come into play when we look at the next few months and notice a need that is greater than our current situation.   Like having a baby, or paying for a vacation cash money, or investing into one of businesses whether it’s time or money wise. Then we set a goal on how we are going to spend our time and our resources to get to that Goal.

Then… We Work the Plan.

Note: We do schedule anything from Date Night, Family Nights, Daddy time with Owen, Mommy going to the gym, $30.00 a week for take out meals if things get crazy.

And if I need a Mommy Day Off by next month because I will lose my mind… It goes on on the goals list, with a price beside it. And we make a Plan for it.

I know. I Know. That all of this seems super simple… and you may have even heard it before. But we are Human Beings and while our intentions are great… they do not determine the direction of our lives.  Action does.  So Put it to the Test.  Give it 1 to 2 Months. Work these principles… and I hope that they help lighten the load a little bit in your household.